Ellen Gravklev
Acem Meditation Initiator. Senior Adviser for the University of Oslo.
How meditation can help discover the deeper currents within you.
Action with ripple effects
When you throw a stone into the water, many rings form and slowly spread outward. One stone, a single throw, many rings.
A warm look, a smile, a safe lap. A furrowed brow, an angry voice, someone pushing you away.
The first years of a child's life create ripple effects for the rest of life.
A childhood with sensitive and safe caregivers will form more positive rings than an upbringing marked by adults who do not sufficiently meet the child's need for security and care.
When we meditate, a relaxation response is set in motion. It happens by itself, in the same way as with the rings in the water. Repetition of the meditation sound can give results far beyond the rest one experiences here and now. Rings spreading outward.
The process is open; the rings find their own form. Some of them are welcome. It is good to relax, settle down and have more energy and surplus. Others may be experienced as more disturbing. There may be tension in the neck, restless legs or unease in the stomach. Like rings in troubled waters.
The pain a child feels when experiencing something painful may be difficult to contain. Then we have defense mechanisms that come into force to protect us. The discomfort is moved out of conscious attention, as if it did not exist. But what we have repressed lives on in the unconscious and is expressed as tensions in the body, typical reaction patterns and distorted ways of understanding the world and other people. When this type of tension is actualized in meditation, the immediate ripple effects may feel difficult to be close to.
The painful shoulder
We sit down, close our eyes and repeat the meditation sound as lightly and freely as we can. We feel that we relax, let ourselves into meditation. It often feels good; we are in a good flow. A free moment we have looked forward to.
We open up for thoughts, feelings, impulses and moods to come closer to the surface. They are there as an undercurrent all the time. By meditating, we give the stream of thoughts more freedom. It becomes more accessible to us.
There may be thoughts about what we will have for dinner, a disagreement with a friend, a glimpse from a work situation, sadness, memories from a trip in the mountains, a desire to move, a pain in the shoulder.
The pain in the shoulder, yes, it is there quite often in meditation and feels disturbing. We think it takes up too much space; it means that we do not get to repeat the sound as we want. If only the pain had not been there!
Pain in disguise
The pain is a ripple effect of free repetition of the meditation sound. Our first impulse may be to push the painful thing away. Put a little extra effort into the sound, perhaps without noticing it. Away with the pain. Away with the painful thoughts. Away with the discomfort. Only then can we meditate properly, it is easy to think.
If we meditate regularly, deeper processes are set in motion, often without our understanding it. What moves may appear as unease, dissatisfaction, bodily pain or a desire to stop. The sound may become unclear, perhaps a little distant; we become unsure whether we are repeating it correctly.
What in us is repressed and hidden comes closer to the surface. Most often not as memories or feelings, but more distorted. What was once overwhelm, despair or tears may have become a pain in the shoulder.
Our perception of how we repeat the meditation sound also tends to become distorted.
Unconscious forces are at work. We think we repeat the meditation sound with openness. But something grates. Time may pass slowly, we do not relax as well as before, we feel more resistance. Over time it may dawn on us that we put in a little extra effort, control the speed or rhythm of the sound, or try to repeat it clearly to be sure it is there.
A ripple effect with a twist, then, both in terms of content and practice.
Parts of us side with the defense mechanism that once protected us against pain. We concentrate, often without being aware of it. "I just put a little extra effort into the sound, then it goes better."
It often takes some time before we understand it. Long meditations and guidance contribute to that process.
Openness
It may take time to understand what lies beneath the pain. That it may, for example, be connected to an anxiety about coming too close to other people, that there may be loneliness behind the painful shoulder, that the pain in the stomach has to do with anxiety, or that the wish for more to happen is connected to the longing to be seen as a child. By a mother or father who was absent or very preoccupied with themselves.
But you do not need to understand.
The only thing you should do is repeat the meditation sound as lightly and freely as you can where you are, right now. Listen to it and let it be as it is, whether the sound is clear, unclear, distinct, a little strange or often disappears.
Try to trust that it is good enough. Take the sound when you can. Have confidence that the process will take its course.
Sound with openness, here and now; you are always in the right place in meditation.
Then the ripple effects come. Today, in a week, a month or half a year. A dawning sense that this is good for you, the sense of being in movement, the joy when you feel that you have more contact with your feelings, when you dare more, there is less conflict around you, or you dare to open yourself more to those closest to you.
These are rings in water. These are people in quiet growth.
Ellen Gravklev